I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
