I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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