It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
