I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
