i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
