I'm going to jail i love you
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
