how can u be prego again
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
cat food counts as protein by the way
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
