i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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