I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There r osticjed everywhere
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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