i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
