I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
