Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
