doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
