I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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