I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
