I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
