I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
