Pass out mid-funnel last night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
