; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
