I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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