for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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