dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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