Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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