I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
