Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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