epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
