you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
