I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
