I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
