Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
