Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
