everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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