we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
they're like a gay fantastic four
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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