Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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