I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
