I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
