Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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