i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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