By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm really busy with my period
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