dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the day after is always just damage control
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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