the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
