yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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