As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
