I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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