They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
