I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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