question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
