I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
