so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
