Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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