So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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