what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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