Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
