Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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