I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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