i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
